Working for love
An Essay on Finding True Love
By: Jake DeLapp
Pine Point School 8A English
April, 2011
Love can be great, but at other time it can just plain suck. I feel that love is something that you need to work for. People who think love is going to sneak up on them and bite them in the butt, I feel, won’t find this to be the truth as they progress in life. I don’t think that you just fall in love because it‘s like having the police think that whenever someone breaks the law the crook will just show up at the door of the police station and tell the cops what they did, it doesn’t make any sense at all. How can you love someone and want to spend lots of time, or even your entire life with them if you don’t even know them that well, it‘s like wanting to marry the creepy old guy that lives down the street. If you wan to find love I think it’s something a lot like a school project, if you want it to be good you have to put a lot of time and effort in or, in the end, it wont work very well. As in almost everything in life, if you want to be successful you must work hard instead of sitting back and watching other people live their lives, and love is no exception. My opinion is that if you want true love then you have to work for it, it doesn’t just happen.
Dear Jake,
ReplyDeleteNice start to essay 13! I loved your comparison of love to a school project and how you have to work hard for both scenarios because it puts a real word picture into the readers mind. However, the one thing that kept coming up in your paragraph was small errors that can really affect your grade like “other time” in your topic sentence should be “other times” and the word “wan” in your second chunk should be “want”. Also, in your sentence, “I don’t think that you just fall in love because it‘s like having the police think that whenever someone breaks the law the crook will just show up at the door of the police station and tell the cops what they did, it doesn’t make any sense at all.” the comma between did and it should be a semi-colon, and you may want to re-word the last part as well because the way it stands right now, the ending doesn’t exactly fit. Lastly, I am not sure if I just missed it with the vibrant colors, but I did not see any of your bold words. I am looking forward to reading your final, well-polished essay!